Hippity, Humpity, Hop!

No one made putting a cute little bunny on your clitoris look better than my favorite promiscuous cougar Samantha from HBO's series Sex and The City. This fictional femme-fatale and her overacted orgasms made the original Rabbit Pearl and Rabbit Habit vibrators by Vibratex f.a.m.o.u.s. After that, just like real bunnies, rabbit-style vibrators were rapidly reproduced as if they were humping like, well, bunnies.

The Rabbit is notorious because of its unique twice-as-nice design and fluttering, vibrating bunny ears. Internally, the insertable shaft (and its band of rotating pearls) vibrates and twists for G-spot stimulation. Meanwhile, at the bottom of the toy's shaft a little Peter Cottontail sits at a 45-degree angle so that when the shaft is inserted vaginally his continuously twitching ears gently hug and vibrate against the clitoris.

Sounds good! But before you put all of your Cadbury eggs into one basket, consider your other twice-as-nice vibrating Velveteen options (available at goodvibes.com and babeland.com). Too many times while working at Good Vibrations did I see people go straight for the “As Seen on Sex and the City” sticker, pick up a Rabbit Pearl and drop $90 on a toy they weren't properly educated about. Don't let a fictional character like Samantha dictate what kind of rabbit hops down your bunny trail!

The original Rabbit gets many hippity-humping but there are drawbacks Samantha didn't mention. Revolving penetration combined with clitoral vibration gets many-a-back-leg thumping but, it can be an overstimulating, Elmer Fudd dud for others. If it doesn't get your shotgun firing, take advantage of the separate controls which allow you to experience one without the other.

Though attractively shiny, don't pay extra for rotating pearls. The inner two-thirds of the vagina, where the pearls reach, responds more to pressure and friction, not subtly rotating beads. (They're also prone to getting stuck in the toy's gears).

The Rabbit's sparkly elastomer material may look and feel nice but it's also porous, meaning that it holds onto a little bit of everything it touches much like a sponge. Though it's advisable to wash it with soap and water it's also recommended to put a condom over the insertable shaft of the toy (even if you're the only one using it) so as not to reintroduce potentially harmful particles back into your body. This is especially important if you plan on sharing!

If you're not a latex-lover, opt for silicone rabbit-style vibes like the Rosebud which brings you the same twice-as-nice design in a non-porous material that is easily disinfected with soap and water.

Water-bunnies will appreciate wascally waterproof wabbits like the Aqua Rabbit or iRabbit. Aqua gets back to basics with a bendable (instead of a rotating) shaft for more customized G-spot curvature while the iRabbit mixes things up with a variety of shaft-swiveling settings.

If the original Rabbit isn't quite svelte enough to jump down your particular rabbit hole, downsize with the Flirty G or Butterfly Kiss vibrators which both have smaller insertable shafts (and pricetags) for a gentler twice-as-nice approach and perfect beginner accessibility.

Make your favorite bullet vibrator all-ears with the affordable Bunny Sleeve which easily transforms your little buzzer into a clit-fluttering friend without the penetration. For those that enjoy a walk down the bunny-trail-less-traveled, get the smaller, anal-safe Bullet Bunny Diversify your cast of adorable, orgasmic, woodland creatures with Bullet Buddies, discreet one-speed clitoral vibes that are disguised as monkeys, caterpillars and other cuties.

Show your love for real rabbits with the eco-friendly Vanity Vr10 Bunny which is made from easy-to-clean silicone, fully rechargeable and specifically designed to titillate more of your terrain with extra-long ears and a thicker, longer shaft. To get eco-friendly, floppy-eared fun without the precious bunny fluff, opt for JimmyJane's Form 2. A sophisticated version of the popular rabbit ears, this rechargeable, silicone toy features a two-pronged design that hugs the clitoris with a variety of strong vibration patterns, bringing you the best of the bunny without the smiling face that some could admittedly do without.

Sure, Samantha may have had great sex and the city, but us Valley-dwellers have got sex and the country – and we all know that's where the real rabbit action happens. So hop to it!

Dildo Takes a Vacation

When my partner and I decided to travel about South America, we just couldn't imagine four months without a strap-on harness and dildo. Nor, upon finding out that good lube was hard to come by abroad, could we possibly live without Sliquid Sassy Booty Formula. Packing our lives into a backpack was hard enough, but finding a way to make a strap-on discreet for international customs was a whole other challenge. Whether it be for the sake of sexual variety, a little beach-side me-time or a blissed-out honeymoon, sometimes you've got to pack some extra heat. But we can't even get through airline security with a pair of knitting needles these days. If you think airborne scarf-making is a problem, try getting on board with the Rabbit vibrator. Here's how.

Choose wisely. While our realistic-looking Vixen dildo was our favorite phallus-of-the-year, we selected a less-realistic looking candy-colored variety instead, as a purple, squishy baton may create less confusion than the ego-threateningly large realistic toy we were...attached to. As the lube's bright pink label exclaiming “Booty Formula!” seemed a little too loud-and-proud, we re-packaged our slippery stuff in re-fillable travel bottles available at pharmacies while the harness was taken apart to resemble leather jewelry at best.

Like us, if possible, go for deconstructable and discreet toys (see previous column Dirty Little Secrets for incognito travel-sized treats). If you absolutely must bring the floggers, handcuffs, and ball-gags, know that you'll have to check your luggage, as these are, clearly, the perfect pilot-attacking weapons and simply won't fly (no matter how cute and fuzzy the cuffs).

In general, check toys instead of carrying on. If you must carry on, make sure lube is 3oz or less and pack everything in plastic bags. Always take batteries out of toys, as vibrating luggage is just asking for it. Get Martha Stuart with your checked items, honestly labeling everything and its purpose to clear up any confusion if your bag does get searched. Feeling extra cheeky? Add a flirtatious note for security.

Unless you like the pat-downs (meow), getting through security can be tough. Familiarize yourself with TSA regulations, as that innocent corkscrew could bring unwanted attention to toys that may have otherwise gone unnoticed. The best thing you can do, besides packing strategically, is knowing your rights and having confidence in yourself as a rightfully sexual traveler. Know that it's an inappropriate and potentially sue-able act of sexual harassment for an airline staffer to make a big, public deal about what's in your bag, whether it be condoms or the world's biggest butt plug. As long as it's not violating TSA regulations, there's no reason for it to be a problem. I mean, come on, they've invented a “necessary” XXX-ray full-body scanner that conveniently exposes everyone's naughty bits, and they want to make you feel perverted for packing a vibrator? Puh-leez.

If your goodies do get security's attention, answer questions matter-of-factly and honestly. If you're shameless about your sexcessories, security will be the ones to feel embarrassed for not knowing that, “Well, that's my Rabbit. People use it to masturbate, Sir.”.

Know your destination. San Francisco's security and Houston's security are very different places. If flying internationally, leave the plug-in Hitachi Magic Wand at home (it blows up foreign sockets), practice some explanatory second-language words and read up on laws regarding sexuality as no toy is worth legal trouble abroad.

So, what South American adventures did our dildo partake in? Well, not many. While Argentinean customs simply showed us the exit, notoriously invasive Chilean customs posed a different problem. Fellow travelers told stories of being fined hundreds of dollars for accidentally “smuggling” in tangerines. Tangerines. As in the adorable, delightfully sweet citrus fruit. Trying to pass by unnoticed as pierced-and-tattooed, short-haired foreigners was one thing in this religious, conservative destination, but trying to explain to the customs official in my broken Spanish that I preferred my phallus boxed instead of standardly attached was algo diferente. Left behind were the illegal almonds, the peanut butter, and our candy-colored dildo. And somewhere, under an Argentinean hostel bed it may still sit, waiting to be the star of another random travel story.

Spring Flings

Today I went to the Bulb Show at Smith College's greenhouse. Maybe is was the sticky humidity, the intoxicating floral scent, or the suggestive cacti towering next to the quivering folds of pink orchids, but it was the first time in quite sometime that I've felt hot enough to shed a few layers in public. Seems like spring has sprung. And, apparently, so have some other things.
College campuses are the perfect place to earn extra canoodling credit. You're virtually un-catchable in between balcony auditorium seats, football fields give you plenty of tackling room, tennis courts are firm-yet-bouncy (great qualities in anything sexual), dance studios are equipped with cozy dressing rooms and a naughtily narcissistic wall of mirrors, and doing it in a empty classroom is a great way to increase your concentration during morning snooze-fest history classes, as your professor is bound to mistake your hunt for last night's blackboard hand-prints as grade-A focus.

While the public sex classics are classic for good reason, it is always important to keep their pitfalls in mind. Sex-on-the-beach isn't a good drink or a well-thought out idea, though the ladies of Sports Illustrated sure make it look easy. But, come on, think realistically about sticky, wet surfaces plus sand. If you think it's unpleasant getting it in your beach picnic sandwich, just think how quickly it could ruin a good genital sandwich. Instead, elevate your seaside session in a lifeguard chair which, will let you keep the crashing wave soundtrack while guarding the life of some key sensitive places.

Getting it on anywhere you work is a great way to relieve professional animosity and stress, though sweeping everything off of your desk to bend your secretary over the blotter is much more of an organizational disaster than the movies would have you think. Also, in this job market, it might be a better idea to just go home than it is to get fired for getting caught “testing out the back support” of your boss's new desk chair.

When adding a plot twist to your movie theater date, the back corner seats do offer great darkness and privacy and the loud speakers are sure to drown out any auditory slip-ups. Just make sure to choose your movie wisely. You may scare your sweetie trying to make a move to Saw IV and doing anything R-rated during a PG flick is just plain wrong. Stick to amping up sexy thrillers or anything with a Wild Things-esque lesbian pool scene.

While the mile-high club was once an exclusive group, the new generation of titillated travelers will tell you, there's nothing sexy about a cramped, stinky stall, that weird blue goo in the toilet, or being taken down by a flight attendant who mistakes your secret lavatory meeting as a pilot-attacking plan.

Bathrooms in general are a great place to get a little public privacy but they're also a place worth being choosy about. Wash your hands before and after any frisking.

The great outdoors are always worth exploring. Trees make great doggie-style supports, a sun-kissed boulder next to a babbling brook is romantic and a perfectly trim golf course green is clear of any tree branch-related hazards. Just watch for poison ivy, leeches and late-night tee-offs.

Mall dressing rooms are much easier to sneak two (or more) people into than they should be, offer strategic mirror placement, and come in an array of backdrops that'll please anyone, from the bouncy Banana Republic babe to the budget-conscious Old Navy type.

Washer and dryers happily contribute to your thunder down under and, at a buck fifty a load, are much cheaper than actual vibrators. Naughty librarians will get off on the pressure to “Shhh”, you should take a break and stay awake for safety's sake as the highway patrol suggests and pull over for a quick stick-shifting, and a balcony makes a great introduction to public sex as, “Technically, honey, we're still in the comfort of our own home!”.

They say “April showers bring May flowers”. Well, some things have got to get wet in order to bloom, that's for sure. Happy Spring!

PDX Love?

Hi readers, whoever you may be. Time for a little networking.

I'm moving to Portland, Oregon in July. Are you involved with sex/sexuality education, writing, magazines, youth, GLBT organizations? Do you have any connections to someone who may be interesting in my sex writing or in need of a speaker/workshop-giver on sexy topics?

Please, please let me know. I want to jump into the PDX sex+ scene with both feet!

Love at First Fist

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